Friday, 30 January 2009

Fighting Hibination

I have SAD. Not I am sad, I have SAD.
In fact right now I don't feel sad in the slightest. But I am very tired, and tired of being tired, and tired of not wanting to go anywhere, see anyone, or do anything.
I feel like I'm in a never ending battle, just to break out of the shell that I'm in. That's a great part of why I've not been blogging, and for those who know me on any other forums or even in real life why I've not been about anywhere.
My body feels like it's moving through treacle, sometimes even just typing feels like an effort.
I realised how bad I was getting yesterday when I was using a soap that I know will trigger dermatitis on my hands rather than lean over about a foot or two to reach my all natural, anti-reactive soap. It just felt like it was too much effort.
I keep forgetting things, both important and not important.
Why do I feel like this? What can I do to get my self out of it?
I have started with healthy eating - I'm getting much more vitamins and minerals than I used to - I keep forgetting to take my vitamin capsules though. lol
I have every intention of exorcising.... it just hasn't seemed to have been realised yet.
I have to start using my light box again - I just keep making excuses to myself why I can't turn it on when I have it sat on my desk where I'm working.
My whole body and soul seems to say I should be hibernating - somewhere cosy, somewhere dark, somewhere away from people to see and places to be and things to do.
Anyway.... rant over.... Any suggestions - please.... let me know!

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Experiencing Deity

Darkly Fey from The Dark Side of Fey has asked for thoughts on Experiencing Deity so with out further Adoo..... lol.....

On the topic of Experiencing Deity:

My usual visualisation is a simple field or paddock with poppy's and other wild flowers wave in the breeze, there are rabbits and squirrels hopping about while starlings and sparrows flit from the solitary tree to the floor and fly in circles, the sun shines down warming the plants and animals while fluffy white clouds rain in the distance.

This is very different to the experience I had some weeks back while meditating after getting some advice from Sparrow and Mojo of the Wigglian Way. I found my self walking in a castle or a cathedral that was very old and worn the sandstone having been worn away through time. I became aware of a bright sliver-white spray of light that although was incredibly bright did not hurt my eyes or dazzle me - it moved off and I felt compelled to follow being beckoned by a presence that was warming and gentle.

I followed this presence through an archway and up a spiral stair case spiralling clockwise, so many turns I had no chance of counting. She, for a felt it was a she, led my out into a long corridor, with archways on the left and as I emerged she was no longer present but there was a spray of golden yellow, masculine light. He led me on a merry dance through the arches always keeping just out of my view. round and round in circles but this time anticlockwise... bringing a balance to the clockwise of the lady of white. Having unwound my path he stopped and appeared in the centre of the room. Behind the pillar we had been chasing around was a mattress on the floor - soft, heavy, welcoming. And appearing on the wall - a huge wood fire in a fire place a tall as a man. I heard or felt a voice as if in a dream "Child, you may come here as often as you wish, any time you feel the need of solace or comfort this place will be here for you to rest"

I lay till I felt refreshed and then made my way back to the present... feeling warmth, love and understanding.

This may be the wild imaginings of my tired mind but I felt a presence there with me. I have felt spirits before, none that I would say were deity, but whether these two were of the divine or not - it's the closest I've ever come.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Happy Wednesday!

I know, I know, I've not been blogging - I've been away, ill, busy and feeling the need to hibernate! But I'm back... I can't make any guarantees as to how often I will post but I haven't abandoned my blog - oh no!!

I hope you out there had a very happy Yule, Christmas, Gregorian New Year and any other holidays and celebrations you may have had since I seemed to drop off the face of the Earth.

I have a lot of things I've been thinking about and hopefully I will be able to share things with you in the not too distant future.

What I want to talk about today is the American inauguration. Mr President Barack Obama. There are an awful lot of wonderful things about this man by the seems of things and I am totally hopeful for the future. Oh and 'yay' at the goodbye to Bush. But there are a couple of things about the inauguration that are not so positive to me though.


"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers."

Are those all the religions there are in America? I thought I had Pagan brethren over there.... sorry my mistake!

Maybe, being a Brit, it's none of my business. But I know I was upset and angered by that and I know it would have upset me more if I was an American. I am hoping it was nerves or an unfortunate case of cramp that made him make the omission - we shall see.


I thought Americans believed in separation between church and state. If this is the case why was the ceremony so heavily God and Christian orientated? Is it always like this? Having never seen an inauguration before I have no way of knowing. I know I certainly had no reason to want to watch or even think about Bush being sworn in.

I could go into the possible negatives further.... H Clinton appears to be a tactical move to appease certain voters (possibly the same one McCain was with Palin), and many of his behind the scenes folks don't exactly seem to embody the change he was offering.

Still, that's not that this is to say I'm not inspired by him. On the whole though I have to say I found his frank, truthful realism very reassuring - I have hope for the US and for the impact they have on the rest of the world. Well done America for making such a good choice and lets hope that all who believe in the man (myself included) are right and he's as good as he seems.

On final thing I want to say....... From the election over there and throughout the inauguration process it has been mentioned that Martin Luther King's dream his now been realised. Surely that, whilst we are definitely on the way to getting there, that dream will only be realised when we have an African American President of the US or a Prime Minister of the UK and no one even thinks to mention it?